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Old 2009-03-18, 3:15 AM   #22
travis
STRAIGHT TO HELL
 
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: St. Luther, Bligujibuji
AKA: Someguy, Sicarii, Tox Ferrier, Mike Honcho

The History of Bligujibuji, Part 1



First settled by the Swedish in 1584 (the state flag bears an uncorrected dating error) as part of Nya Sverige, Bligujibuji has a long and storied history! Bligujibuji was named after the explorer who discovered it, Gunnar Hammarskj÷ld. Local legend has it that the mysterious spelling is the fault of mischievous Indians. Acting on this (the legend predated the exploration), the local Indians were all slaughtered. After this wholesome fun, the explorers planted the Swedish flag and began construction of the first European settlement: Fort South Dakota. Unfortunately, the Swedish settlers were driven off by a fierce native attack, possibly in retaliation for their earlier slaughter. They were described in one account as "Tiny Menne, no larger than a Childe. They had haires upon every inche of their bodys, browne and shortte. Their Eyes were blaccke as nighte, and their Teeths longe and sharpe as daggeres. They came upon as at dawne, falling from the skye as if frome the Wratheful Hande of Godde himselfe."

It is still fiercely debated in academic circles as to what tribe these natives hailed from. One faction claims that they were likely Cherokee, another that they were Tonkawa. A third alleges that they were squirrels. It is a mystery that may never be solved, but when the smoke cleared, dozens were dead and the Swedish nut-gathering warehouse was destroyed.

The next time Europeans set foot in Bligujibuji was 1733, when an expedition of 46 Liechtensteinians arrived, fleeing the strife of the little-known Two Years' War (1732-1735). After toasting their safe arrival, they began to plan the great city that would one day grow around their humble cabins. But arguments arose among the mixed-religion party. The Catholic Liechtensteinians floated the name Pope-Urban-II-ville. They argued that it already had "Urban" right there in the name, which could only be a plus. But the Protestants refused to accept, instead offering the name Calvinton, or as a compromise, Turtle Junction. Neither name appealed to the Catholics, and the debate grew more heated, leading to suggestions such as Catholicism-Rules-Town (Catholics), 99-Theses-City (Protestants), More-Like-99-Feces-SHITTY (Catholics), Fuck-You-City (Protestants), and Turtle Junction. Finally, a consensus was reached. To take from each religion, the town would be named St. Luther. With tensions calmed, a sign was erected, and the Liechtensteinians went to bed. The next morning, they awoke with smiles on their faces, cleaned the sign where someone had angrily scrawled "TURTLE JUNCTION" over the name, and faced the dawn, little knowing that what they had founded would one day be a center of tolerance and learning that held over three times their number.

Last edited by travis; 2009-03-18 at 3:20 AM.
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