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View Full Version : 2010 US Census will not count same-sex marriages


Ash Plissken
2009-03-17, 11:50 PM
http://www.presstelegram.com/ci_11868643

Apparently, legally-married gay couples will be instructed to mark themselves as "unmarried partners" on the 2010 census. Furthermore, same-sex couples with children will not be counted as "families"; their children will be counted as belonging to "single parents".

Don't Tread on Steve
2009-03-17, 11:51 PM
That's underhanded and mean.

Sisgmund
2009-03-17, 11:55 PM
That is rather shit.

Panic at the Sisko
2009-03-17, 11:55 PM
What the fuck

Concertina
2009-03-17, 11:56 PM
Assholes.

Aidan Pryde
2009-03-17, 11:56 PM
So what happens if they just mark the 'married' box anyway? Is there some sort of punishment for not filling in a census correctly?

Flygon
2009-03-17, 11:56 PM
1. 48 out of our 50-and-some-odd states (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMo0WlSvrIY) prohibit gay marriage and do not recognize it. Why should the federal government recognize something that most of its states do not recognize?
2. If this question is to be on the 2020 census, petitions may start now: It takes an act of Congress to change the census, and an act of Congress usually takes all but an act of God.

This isn't a question for the Census. If gay marriage is passed in the rest of the states, it will ease into the Census questionnaire.

Is it unfair and/or inaccurate? Yes. Will it be changed by the 2010 census? No.

Panic at the Sisko
2009-03-17, 11:57 PM
So what happens if they just mark the 'married' box anyway? Is there some sort of punishment for not filling in a census correctly?
I can't imagine so, as it would take some sort of census to find out that you were lying, and well, heh
1. 48 out of our 50-and-some-odd states (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMo0WlSvrIY) prohibit gay marriage and do not recognize it.
So?

b.glad
2009-03-18, 12:02 AM
What the fuck?

Dante
2009-03-18, 12:19 AM
I want to be outraged, but....fuck. This crap dosen't even surprise me anymore.

travis
2009-03-18, 12:55 AM
blame DOMA1. 48 out of our 50-and-some-odd states (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMo0WlSvrIY) prohibit gay marriage and do not recognize it. Why should the federal government recognize something that most of its states do not recognize?why shouldn't it

travis
2009-03-18, 12:56 AM
wait, 50 and some-odd states

travis
2009-03-18, 12:57 AM
Bligujibuji and Flnark$#glabibble: America's Odd States

Concertina
2009-03-18, 1:03 AM
From a research perspective it should be on the census for the loveofgodashwekrewrelhrlkhdf.

travis
2009-03-18, 1:23 AM
well i'll be goddamned

http://img24.imageshack.us/img24/6724/bligujibuji.jpg


apparently it borders south dakota and maryland

Grignard
2009-03-18, 1:23 AM
1. 48 out of our 50-and-some-odd states (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMo0WlSvrIY)

Shit, Obama made a mistake. Someone get the McCain campaign on the line, we may have a chance yet!

travis
2009-03-18, 1:26 AM
oh I missed the link, it's just dragon having sour grapes

travis
2009-03-18, 1:26 AM
IF ONLY NOT FOR BLIGUJIBUJI'S 17 ELECTORAL VOTES

Ajhax
2009-03-18, 1:40 AM
Conservative groups tend to support the census the way it is. In a statement, ProtectMarriage.com, a group that backed Proposition 8, says, "The way that the federal government looks at it is the way that the law says it should be in California." WELL WELL THAT IS A BIG SURPRISE

"We are against gay marriage, it is a states rights issue!"

whoops guys a few states allow it

"This federal law says gay marriage is not recognized. It's a federal issue!"

Fifthfiend
2009-03-18, 1:44 AM
WELL WELL THAT IS A BIG SURPRISE

"We are against gay marriage, it is a states rights issue!"

whoops guys a few states allow it

"This federal law says gay marriage is not recognized. It's a federal issue!"

See also abortion, see also every single other damn thing.

b.glad
2009-03-18, 1:45 AM
WELL WELL THAT IS A BIG SURPRISE

"We are against gay marriage, it is a states rights issue!"

whoops guys a few states allow it

"This federal law says gay marriage is not recognized. It's a federal issue!"

Hahaha. Oh my god.

travis
2009-03-18, 2:15 AM
The History of Bligujibuji, Part 1

http://img16.imageshack.us/img16/5410/bligujibujimap.gif

First settled by the Swedish in 1584 (the state flag bears an uncorrected dating error) as part of Nya Sverige, Bligujibuji has a long and storied history! Bligujibuji was named after the explorer who discovered it, Gunnar Hammarskjöld. Local legend has it that the mysterious spelling is the fault of mischievous Indians. Acting on this (the legend predated the exploration), the local Indians were all slaughtered. After this wholesome fun, the explorers planted the Swedish flag and began construction of the first European settlement: Fort South Dakota. Unfortunately, the Swedish settlers were driven off by a fierce native attack, possibly in retaliation for their earlier slaughter. They were described in one account as "Tiny Menne, no larger than a Childe. They had haires upon every inche of their bodys, browne and shortte. Their Eyes were blaccke as nighte, and their Teeths longe and sharpe as daggeres. They came upon as at dawne, falling from the skye as if frome the Wratheful Hande of Godde himselfe."

It is still fiercely debated in academic circles as to what tribe these natives hailed from. One faction claims that they were likely Cherokee, another that they were Tonkawa. A third alleges that they were squirrels. It is a mystery that may never be solved, but when the smoke cleared, dozens were dead and the Swedish nut-gathering warehouse was destroyed.

The next time Europeans set foot in Bligujibuji was 1733, when an expedition of 46 Liechtensteinians arrived, fleeing the strife of the little-known Two Years' War (1732-1735). After toasting their safe arrival, they began to plan the great city that would one day grow around their humble cabins. But arguments arose among the mixed-religion party. The Catholic Liechtensteinians floated the name Pope-Urban-II-ville. They argued that it already had "Urban" right there in the name, which could only be a plus. But the Protestants refused to accept, instead offering the name Calvinton, or as a compromise, Turtle Junction. Neither name appealed to the Catholics, and the debate grew more heated, leading to suggestions such as Catholicism-Rules-Town (Catholics), 99-Theses-City (Protestants), More-Like-99-Feces-SHITTY (Catholics), Fuck-You-City (Protestants), and Turtle Junction. Finally, a consensus was reached. To take from each religion, the town would be named St. Luther. With tensions calmed, a sign was erected, and the Liechtensteinians went to bed. The next morning, they awoke with smiles on their faces, cleaned the sign where someone had angrily scrawled "TURTLE JUNCTION" over the name, and faced the dawn, little knowing that what they had founded would one day be a center of tolerance and learning that held over three times their number.

b.glad
2009-03-18, 2:19 AM
Oh my god.

travis
2009-03-18, 2:49 AM
Part 2

Over the next four decades, Bligujibuji slowly swelled into a modest settlement. Several smaller groups of Liechtensteinians trickled into the area, as did a group of Basques, whose descendants still live on today as the Feral Basques of South Bligujibuji. But in 1776, a fateful day came: the thirteen colonies declared their independence from Great Britain. Filled with the spirit of independence and democracy, Bligujibuji quickly dispatched a representative, Ragnar Olano, to the Second Continental Congress. At first he was turned away, because he spoke only poor English and wore a large, offputting hat. After the misunderstanding was cleared up, he was turned away a second time, because Bligujibuji was not one of the British colonies. Not to be deterred, Olano eventually found his place in the Continental Congress, often hiding behind Nathaniel Folsom of New Hampshire and throwing his voice to make it seem as if his suggestions had come from another part of the room.

But Bligujibuji's role in the war was far from solely political. Every able-bodied man raised the money for his own uniform, gun, and horse. If they had no money, they borrowed it. If they could not get a loan, they would instead carve one or all of these items out of wood. The brave men of the First Bligujibujian Irregulars thus rode forth from St. Luther, down to the distant coast. There they came upon an imposing British encampment. But amazingly, in what is called "The Miracle of '77" by Bligujibujians to this day, the entire encampment was asleep! No night guards had been posted, and few fires were lit. With a vicious roar, the Bligujibujian force seized the moment and rode into the breech. The battle was pitched, and raged for two days and two nights. But on the third day, the Bligujibujian force was victorious. At was at this point the Bligujibujians realized that the encampment was, in fact, Conway, South Carolina.

This is the origin of the Bligujibuji-South Carolina rivalry.

Embarassed, the Bligujibujians sought an excuse. A panicked and informal council settled on a desperate gambit. One of the Bligujibujian soldiers placed his wooden hat upon a local duck. The duck, they insisted, was the one who REALLY had caused all the trouble. They had just tried to stop it. You probably couldn't tell in the dark. Because ducks are so small. The Bligujibujian force then quickly jumped on their horses, declared that there was no need to thank them, and rode back to St. Luther. The Continental Congress discussed sanctions against Bligujibuji for these events, or even extending a declaration of war to the tiny region, but a persuasive voice seemingly coming from a distant, unoccupied corner convinced the Congress to forgo any such actions.

It is for these proud actions that Bligujibujians still call their state "The 14th Colony".

frogurt
2009-03-18, 3:06 AM
Christ, Sicarii have you been drinking or is this your normal shitty setting?

travis
2009-03-18, 3:21 AM
Part 3

After the Revolutionary War, Bligujibuji understandably laid low. They sent few representatives to the United States, and those that they did send often pretended to be from Vermont, or to be small bears. Nevertheless, Bligujibuji continued its steady growth, now from German, English, and Scandinavian immigrants, most of whom were lost and actually seeking the United States. Fearful that the settlers were in fact spies, the Bligujibujians would often tell them that they were in fact in Vermont, or that they - the settlers - were bears, and thus would never be accepted by the anti-Ursine population of the USA. But soon, settlers would have a reason to come to Bligujibuji - Tin!

Bligujibuji was rocked by the discovery of this amazing new substance, which they quickly named "Element X". Spirits were slightly dampened when it was found that tin had been discovered thousands of years before. The "Miss Element X 1815" pageant had to be canceled, and Miss Element X 1814 was forced to surrender her crown at gunpoint. Many Bligujibujians refused to refer to tin by its actual name, claiming that they were indeed the true discoverers of tin, and that everyone else was thinking of "pale bronze". To this day, the Element X Mining Company is one of the largest employers in central Bligujibuji.

Despite these trials, tin mining was still a profitable pursuit, even if it was now significantly less exciting. The bountiful tin mines of Bligujibuji attracted immigrants from far and wide, creating the First Bligujibuji Immigrant Boom. These immigrants came from around the world, hailing from France, England, Scotland, Portugal, the Netherlands, and, unfortunately, Wales. In fact, so many immigrants came in the First Boom that St. Luther grew too crowded for some (Population: 2038). The imminently practical people of Bligujibuji therefore settled on a name they were familiar with: Turtle Junction. However, the forms were submitted incorrectly, being exact copies of the St. Luther forms, and the town was instead christened St. Luther 2.

This flood of humanity brought not just new languages, exciting dishes, and disgusting Welshmen - it also brought new ideas. Fiery-eyed revolutionaries preached their radical creed from soapboxes on every street corner (the soap had, of course, been stolen for food by the Feral Basques). Too long had Bligujibuji labored under the yoke of Spanish, or possibly Russian rule! It was time for Bligujibuji to forge its own path! On October 5th, 1825, delegates met in the St. Luther Community Center. After removing the local Methodist Church Weekend Lock-In group, they penned a Declaration...of Freedom! And thus was born The Republic of Bligujibuji!

To be continued!

pillows de radio
2009-03-18, 3:22 AM
This fucking sucks, and it's awful, but this goes back to Bob Barr, Bill Clinton, and DOMA.

Man. The 90s fucking sucked. If only Bob Barr was a crazy Libertarian then so he could have been dismissed outright.

Brock Landers
2009-03-18, 3:41 AM
This is my favorite thread

build me a star
2009-03-18, 4:01 AM
Yeah but what about that law that says IF YOU GET MARRIED IN ONE STATE ITS LEGALLY RECOGNIZED IN ANOTHER?

Jarp Habib
2009-03-18, 4:08 AM
Christ, Sicarii have you been drinking or is this your normal shitty setting?

Sicarii is *always* drinking, and *never* on a shitty setting. The toggle switch that allows posters such as yourself to jump between awesomeposting, blandposting and shitposting has been firmly soldered to the awesomeposting position in Sicarii's case.

The Jay Cutler Show
2009-03-18, 4:14 AM
I've never seen a Sicarii post that I haven't genuinely enjoyed

Sagitta
2009-03-18, 4:44 AM
Aaaaand a new spray for TF2 is born.

Weirdo
2009-03-18, 5:00 AM
Christ, Sicarii have you been drinking or is this your normal shitty setting?

shut up

Shriketastic
2009-03-18, 5:29 AM
Christ, Sicarii have you been drinking or is this your normal shitty setting?

The irony of you telling Sicarii, the motherfucker that the fucking hall of fame was named after, a shitty poster is so stagering my brain shut down and forced me to re-format.

Baldrick
2009-03-18, 5:43 AM
For future reference, I just spent the last ten minutes trying my hardest not to laugh at whole-office-noticing volume.

Damn you, Sicarii.

The Jay Cutler Show
2009-03-18, 5:44 AM
it was the squirrel part that got me the most

Divi Filius
2009-03-18, 5:46 AM
Sicarii 4 mod

Jarp Habib
2009-03-18, 5:48 AM
I was particularly fond of Mexico being northwest of South Dakota

Don't Tread on Steve
2009-03-18, 5:51 AM
hmmmm a poster's been drinking here :smug:

Shriketastic
2009-03-18, 5:56 AM
I like the Element X Mining Corp. that Sagitta made.

It's awesome on every level.

The Jay Cutler Show
2009-03-18, 6:05 AM
hmmmm a poster's been drinking here :smug:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNps7JrTszY&feature=channel_page

pondslider
2009-03-18, 6:42 AM
This is an amazing thread.

Kaete
2009-03-18, 7:30 AM
These immigrants came from around the world, hailing from France, England, Scotland, Portugal, the Netherlands, and, unfortunately, Wales

Ah hahahaha!

http://www.kaete.com/picsi/pvp/blig.png

Benjamin
2009-03-18, 7:31 AM
Will Bligujibuji ever get a Turtle Junction?

Archangel3d
2009-03-18, 7:36 AM
Will Bligujibuji ever get a Turtle Junction?

They don't even have running water, man.

Nerd Ard Ri
2009-03-18, 8:05 AM
This thread will now have to be HOFed.

Ash Plissken
2009-03-18, 8:39 AM
So what happens if they just mark the 'married' box anyway? Is there some sort of punishment for not filling in a census correctly?
Apparently, if a couple marks "husband" and "husband", or "wife" and "wife", the Census bureau will basically change their answers to "unmarried partner" when they are recorded.
1. 48 out of our 50-and-some-odd states (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMo0WlSvrIY) prohibit gay marriage and do not recognize it. Why should the federal government recognize something that most of its states do not recognize?
Because it's still something that officially exists, and the purpose of the census is to collect information, not to dictate it.

Lapak
2009-03-18, 8:43 AM
Because it's still something that officially exists, and the purpose of the census is to collect information, not to dictate it.Exactly. What this amounts to is distorting the data. The census doesn't serve an agenda; it's information collection. Falsifying the information - which is what this amounts to - is stupid.

And thank you, Sicarii, for taking the edge off of my frustration about this.

IamFrums
2009-03-18, 8:44 AM
1. 48 out of our 50-and-some-odd states (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMo0WlSvrIY) prohibit gay marriage and do not recognize it. Why should the federal government recognize something that most of its states do not recognize?

True, if you only have a civil union in Texas, then I can see them not counting it as a marriage. However, if you do have a legal marriage in Mass., then it should be counted. EDIT: Although they should probably also collect data on common-law marriages and civil unions.

wait, 50 and some-odd states

Puerto Rico, Iraq and parts of Canada.

Ash Plissken
2009-03-18, 8:48 AM
"I hate to correct you on your own show, Casey, but there are fifty-two states, with Alaska, and Rhode Island."

Laconic
2009-03-18, 8:53 AM
At 12:56 Dragon posted something stupid and made this a stupid thread. By 3:15 Sicarii had made this the best thread on the front page. That's not just HoF worthy that's a new world record.

Malrick
2009-03-18, 9:11 AM
So that is where Townsville is at. Wait is Chemical X made from Element X?

Jaaboo
2009-03-18, 9:17 AM
I was going to get all riled up but Sicarii made the pain go away. I love you sir. And totally in that gay way too.

Human
2009-03-18, 9:44 AM
I'm so glad I woke up to this thread.

Yunara
2009-03-18, 9:59 AM
While it's disapointing, I'm not so upset about the unmarried partners thing. It's stupid, it's backwards, and it's kinda defeating the point of a census, but it's still partially acurate in that at least they aren't recording them as single. So the census will still list how many gay couples they are, the problem is that it won't clarify if they are legally married or not.

The one that REALLY gets me is the children. I'm sorry, but marking them as kids of single parents is just plain wrong and innacurate. Someone I work with was raised by parents who never got married at all. So if they can't say they are married, does that mean he was raised by a single parent, even though he lived with both his parents throughout his entire childhood?

A Census should be unbiased, but obviously this one isn't.

Phantom
2009-03-18, 10:23 AM
I love how there's still a serious discussion going in amidst all the fake history.

Brent Not Broken
2009-03-18, 10:26 AM
So the census will still list how many gay couples they are, the problem is that it won't clarify if they are legally married or not. Unless I'm missing something, it won't even do that much, since it won't distinguish between gay "unmarried partners" and straight ones.

Ben Wyatt: Human Disaster
2009-03-18, 10:29 AM
Unless I'm missing something, it won't even do that much, since it won't distinguish between gay "unmarried partners" and straight ones.This. While there may be a decent increase in the number of "unmarried partners" in the census, there won't be any way to tell if those, say, four males and four females listed as "unmarried partners" make up four straight couples, four gay couples, or two of each.

Yunara
2009-03-18, 10:58 AM
Then that is just a poor Census.

Ben Wyatt: Human Disaster
2009-03-18, 11:08 AM
Then that is just a poor Census.That is, in fact, what this entire thread has been saying.

frameshift
2009-03-18, 11:16 AM
Yeah but what about that law that says IF YOU GET MARRIED IN ONE STATE ITS LEGALLY RECOGNIZED IN ANOTHER?

That only applies if you have a good old fashioned normal marriage, like an adult marrying a 13 year old.

karlean7
2009-03-18, 11:17 AM
Yeah but what about that law that says IF YOU GET MARRIED IN ONE STATE ITS LEGALLY RECOGNIZED IN ANOTHER?
That's what DOMA is for.

P.S., I fucking. hate. DOMA.

P.P.S., frameshift, our Pokemon are friends ^_^

whaler
2009-03-18, 11:19 AM
My guess is they don't want to collect the data on the couples because then it could be used to make the argument that it should be legalized.

Marten
2009-03-18, 11:22 AM
Remember when we made fun of Ahmadinejad for pretending there weren't any gay people in Iran?

:(

Yunara
2009-03-18, 11:23 AM
That's what DOMA is for.

P.S., I fucking. hate. DOMA.

P.P.S., frameshift, our Pokemon are friends ^_^

Oh sure You and Frameshift are friends.

Never mind that our sig pics are so similar :( Wooper said we were friend.... Was he lyin to me :(

Nerd Ard Ri
2009-03-18, 11:24 AM
One thing I really hate about this whole mess is that, amidst all the bitching and historical fooferaw and what not, no one has done more than mention Flnark$#glabibble. Ol' 53ish: The Forgotten State.

For shame Forumopolis, for shame

Peregrine
2009-03-18, 11:25 AM
My guess is they don't want to collect the data on the couples because then it could be used to make the argument that it should be legalized.I'm pretty sure it's not any sneaky machievellian trick, and, as people had said, mandated by DOMA.

I assume it was recorded that way in the 2000 census, which also came after DOMA, I wonder if it was registered in the '90 census.

Kendrick Damar
2009-03-18, 11:27 AM
http://i39.tinypic.com/2zzuusy.jpg

oreth
2009-03-18, 11:29 AM
"I hate to correct you on your own show, Casey, but there are fifty-two states, with Alaska, and Rhode Island."

Did... did you just make a Sports Night reference? <3

Nerd Ard Ri
2009-03-18, 11:30 AM
http://i39.tinypic.com/2zzuusy.jpg

This is exactly the sort of Bligujibujiani favoritism that I've come to expect.

Grokent
2009-03-18, 11:50 AM
Sicarii is in rare form today. This might be the best day.

Panic at the Sisko
2009-03-18, 11:53 AM
Sicarii is in rare form today. This might be the best day.
http://gi260.photobucket.com/groups/ii22/1PONBIXG3J/goaway_macro.gif

Flygon
2009-03-18, 1:30 PM
On October 5th, 1825, delegates met in the St. Luther Community Center. After removing the local Methodist Church Weekend Lock-In group,...
The Methodist Church Weekend Lock-In Group met on Wednesdays? Wow, Bligujibuji really is a backwards place...
oh I missed the link, it's just dragon having sour grapes
No, it's just Dragon trying to share a funny video. (I don't care who you voted for, that video is funny!)

Ben Wyatt: Human Disaster
2009-03-18, 1:45 PM
No, it's just Dragon trying to share a funny video. (I don't care who you voted for, that video is funny!)It's better than your posts, at least.

Matt
2009-03-18, 2:04 PM
It's better than your posts, at least.

In my head all of your posts are read by Daniel Faraday making a :smug: face

Ben Wyatt: Human Disaster
2009-03-18, 2:08 PM
In my head all of your posts are read by Daniel Faraday making a :smug: faceAwesome.

Amblnc38
2009-03-18, 2:10 PM
Yeah but what about that law that says IF YOU GET MARRIED IN ONE STATE ITS LEGALLY RECOGNIZED IN ANOTHER?It's subject to each state having such a law. It's not federally mandated.....as it's a 'state's rights' bullshit thing. >.<

Pandir
2009-03-18, 2:12 PM
As disappointing as this is I can't say I'm surprised.

Ash Plissken
2009-03-18, 2:41 PM
That's what DOMA is for.
But since DOMA was not an amendment to the Constitution, the Full Faith and Credit clause should still trump it (as well as any DOMA-like provisions in state constitutions).

Benjamin
2009-03-18, 2:43 PM
The Federal Government can essentially "act" through "inaction."

As we've all seen the last eight years.

Bobulus
2009-03-18, 2:44 PM
No, it's just Dragon trying to share a funny video. (I don't care who you voted for, that video is funny!)

It's less funny when, during the election, people tried to use that clip to claim Obama was an idiot.

travis
2009-03-18, 11:17 PM
Part 4: Foundation and Empire

Riders were dispatched in every direction to spread the news of the revolution. There was celebration in all of Bligujibuji - except in Nafarroa Berri, mysterious tree-city of the Basques, where the rider was eaten and the horse made a prince. Although technically there was celebration about that. Meanwhile, in what had been dubbed Independence Community Center, the first Congress of Bligujibuji assembled to write the national Constitution.

The Constitution created three branches of government - the executive, legislative, and judiciary. The President was elected to a five-year term by all males who owned two acres of land, three horses, fourteen pigs, or thirty eight wooden hats. Under the motto "quality AND quantity", the legislative branch was a revolutionary tricameral system, consisting of the Chamber of Representatives, the Senate, and the House of Burgesses. Due to the lack of men who could fit the qualifications for office set out in the Constitution (literate, over 24, no mustaches), the Representatives and Senators were in fact all the same people, although this was partially disguised by the Senate's mandatory false mustaches. The House of Burgesses was used as a storage area for small boats, which was what most people agreed Burgesses were. The Judicial branch, due to unclear language, was made up of two courts - The Supreme Court, and the Ultimate Court. The two Courts dueled for supremacy throughout the early years of the Republic, often throwing flaming bottles of whiskey through each other's windows during deliberations, or releasing livestock into the courtrooms during hearings. Finally, the legislatures passed a bill declaring that supreme judicial power would reside in whichever court wrote the longest opinion.

After the Constitution was signed by the delegates and displayed for all to see, the REAL battle began - RACE FOR THE PRESIDENCY: 1825. Due to the surprisingly loose requirements to hold the Presidency (the ability to run a 20 yard dash in 3 minutes), the list of candidates was vast. The most prominent front runners included:

"Tin-Eatin'" Ian Jacobs, a homeless Welsh miner whose controversial plans included a 3-meal-a-day diet of tin for all school children;
David Tanner, a prosperous store-owner who advocated a Mustache Toleration law and a bill outlawing goatfights;
A stuffed beaver thrown across the 20 yard track by drunken onlookers;
and Eusebius Käsewasser, a German immigrant, an Alderman of the town of Codswallop, and a trainer of fighting goats.

The debates were fierce; Eusebius Käsewasser and David Tanner in particular did not get along. Many felt that Tanner's performance was also unfairly hindered by the fact that Ian Jacobs would repeatedly bounce the stuffed Beaver off the back of Tanner's head while he spoke, and at other times would loudly eat tin. In the end, the election came down to a slim margin of 3 votes out of over 12 cast (most people had wandered away from the ballot box when it turned out the beaver was in fact only sleeping, and it attacked Ian Jacobs over near the butter-churn). The votes were counted, and Eusebius Käsewasser was declared the first President of Bligujibuji.

http://img9.imageshack.us/img9/9962/kasewasser.gif
Eusebius Käsewasser

travis
2009-03-19, 12:15 AM
Part 5: A Fathom Too Far

In the aftermath of his election, President Käsewasser quickly assembled his cabinet and began to plan for war. It was still not known who the enemy was, but it was agreed that all would sooner prefer death to surrender. To lead the nation to war, Käsewasser ordered the reactivation of the First Bligujibujian Irregulars. Rather than simply the "hollow gesture" of arming a new force under an old name, Käsewasser insisted that the original Irregulars lead the army into the fray. Despite the fact that the few remaining members were all over 70, Käsewasser would not be dissuaded. And so, the Bligujibujian army rode forth. It was determined that the first order of business was to secure Bligujibuji's borders. While the Enemy assembled his troops, the noble men of the Irregulars would push forward, claiming new land for their nation. For their first action, Käsewasser ordered the fulfillment of a long-held Bligujibujian dream - a blue water port. And thus all eyes were set on the target: Lake Erie.

Bligujibuji already bordered Lake Erie, and had for quite some time. However, the Bligujibujians felt their claim needed to be enforced. On March 24th, 1826, the attack commenced. Lead by the Irregulars, who, some historians argue, may not have known where they were going, the Bligujibujian forces rode deep into the Lake. There were immediate setbacks. Few muskets would fire underwater, and most fish were too nimble and quick to be bayoneted. Also, many soldiers were frightened by the murky water, fearing that it might be full of sharks, alligators, or sea-eagles. The battle was hard fought, raging for a night and a day, until the Bligujibujian forces emerged sodden and victorious. Casulties were light, stemming mainly from accidental self-impalement, attempts to breathe water, and shark, alligator and sea-eagle attacks.

With this victory, the Bligujibujian legislatures issued an ultimatum to the major nations of the world: Question Bligujibujian independence at your peril! Letters were penned and mailed to nearby embassies. When none of the prepaid post was returned within the alloted 40 days, the people of Bligujibuji rejoiced - their independence was won. It was later discovered, however, that the letters had never been sent, and had instead been stolen and used for bedding by "Tin-Eatin'" Ian Jacobs. The point, the people of Bligujibuji felt, stood.

But independence came hard to the Bligujibuji. The treasury was immediately depleted by the war and President Käsewasser's failed plan for a bridge to Scotland. In 1829, the mud-farming economy of western Bligujibuji collapsed. President Käsewasser's popularity plummeted, and he was unseated in the 1830 election by David Tanner. But under Tanner's reign the problems only worsened. Under his goatfight ban, fighting goats were left without employment, and began to become sullen and rowdy. By 1833 rumors began to filter out of the north that the goats had overrun the city of New Triesenberg, where they walked and spoke like men, and wore top hats and monocles in a mockery of God's order. The Mustache Toleration Act was an even bigger disaster. Two years later, Tanner too lost the Presidency, to a 'unity' ticket composed of "Tin-Eatin'" Ian Jacobs and the not-stuffed beaver. Jacobs served two successful terms, instituting a free Tin Lunch policy in major poverty centers, opening up diplomatic relations with British North America, and negotiating a treaty with the Goatmen of the North. But by the time Jacobs left office in 1845, it was clear that the damage to Bligujibuji was too deep to be repaired even by a diet of tin. Thus, in 1846, the Bligujibujian legislatures announced a daring plan: The Republic would seek to lose its independence!

travis
2009-03-19, 1:00 AM
Part 6: Undependence Day

Bligujibuji was soon to find that losing independence was no easy feat. The rocky, forested, tundra-desert terrain of the land was unattractive to their neighbors, and most prospective conquerors were frightened off by the Feral Basques. But as the Mexican-American War wound to a close mere miles from their borders, a plot began to hatch in the mind of the Legislative Committee on Eliminating Sovereignty. Senator/Representative Reinhard Zeldenthuis was dispatched to the negotiations of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo, nominally as an unbiased observer. But, after both Mexican and American representatives had signed the treaty, Zeldenthuis triumphantly sprang to his feet and shocked all assembled with a revelation: At the end of the list of territories to be annexed by America, Zeldenthuis had hastily scribbled in 'Bligujibuji'.

The American ambassadors were outraged, but Zeldenthuis refused to give in, dancing just out of reach and waving the treaty mockingly, declaring that international law barred any American action consisting of "takebacks" (modern Law historians question this). Eventually, tired of pursuing the nimble Zeldenthuis around the negotiating table, the Americans acquiesced. Bligujibuji immediately applied for statehood, but their petition was rejected - at first because someone had tampered with the paperwork, replacing St. Luther in the state capital blank with "Turtle Junction". The second petition was also rejected - Bligujibuji was a free state, and would tip the delicate balance of American politics. Bligujibuji had once allowed slavery, but was forced to renounce it when the slaves formed a strategic alliance with the Goatmen of the North.

It was not until the Compromise of 1850 that Bligujibuji was finally granted statehood. It was claimed at the time this was to balance the Northern and Southern interests, but many feel it was more likely because each request was sent to Washington tied to the leg of a Carrier Welshman, who would often thereafter take up residence in the nation's capital, ransacking small businesses and carrying off women.

But although Bligujibuji had finally achieved statehood, the domestic tranquility of their newly adopted nation was not to last long. For in December of 1860 South Carolina seceded from the United States, beginning what would soon be known as...The Wars Between the States!

Kickflip Jones
2009-03-19, 1:47 AM
i really dont know what else to say but sicarii told me to post here

The Jay Cutler Show
2009-03-19, 1:50 AM
we need a bligujibuji :salute: smiley

b.glad
2009-03-19, 2:08 AM
we need a bligujibuji :salute: smiley

You mean like this one?

Ah hahahaha!

http://www.kaete.com/picsi/pvp/blig.png

The Jay Cutler Show
2009-03-19, 2:10 AM
You mean like this one?

yes!

b.glad
2009-03-19, 2:12 AM
yes!

Hooray! :D

Whiplash
2009-03-19, 2:16 AM
This is fantastic. I became so entranced I didn't realize how much tin I had eaten and now I have a tummy ache. :|

travis
2009-03-19, 2:31 AM
Part 7: The Dearth of a Nation

News of the brewing Civil War rocked Bligujibuji. The new state had been neutral in the election of 1860 - due to a ballot mix-up, their electoral votes had all gone to the defunct Anti-Masonic Party. Despite the best efforts of the popular governor Patrick Kleberg, secessionist sentiments began to brew in certain Bligujibujian circles. The northern areas of the state in particular were still bitter over the loss of their slaves to the Goatman treaty. A Secession Convention was called, and on February 23rd, 1861, its decree was announced: The five Bligujibujian counties of Olano, Duck, Dropkick, Jacobs, and County X were departing the state, joining the Confederacy as North Bligujibuji!

The remaining counties immediately issued a Declaration of Loyalty, affirming the allegiance to the United States of the counties of Hammarskjöld, Codswallop, Independence, and Käsewasser. They declared that until their state was reunited under the stars and stripes, they would only be known as West Bligujibuji.

In the frenzied march to war, only one thing had been forgotten - Tonkawa County. This sleepy, pastoral region had been entirely passed over by both the Secession Convention and the Loyalty Declaration, either by clerical error or pure forgetfulness. Both the Confederates and Unionists eventually extended invitations to Tonkawa County to join them, but the embarassed and spurned county rejected both. They claimed that they had already been wooed by the Federated States of America, a previously unknown player in the war. When questioned by outsiders, the Tonkawans claimed huffily that it was a perfectly legitimate country, and just because you haven't heard of it doesn't make it not real. Feeling rather abashed about the entire situation, the West and North let the issue rest, and Tonkawa County declared itself the state of South-Central Bligujibuji.

At last, the battle lines were drawn. Every man, woman, and child in Bligujibuji had chosen a side in the Wars - except, of course, for the Feral Basques, who would maintain a neutral stance of universal hostility throughout the conflict, raining fire-arrows upon whoever approached their border.

http://img18.imageshack.us/img18/5274/bligujibuji1865.jpg

The Confederate and Union states immediately held elections for the vital post of wartime governor. However, when the votes were counted, the results proved to be awkward - both states had re-elected Governor Patrick Kleberg. Kleberg, a shy and quiet man, smoothed the situation by agreeing to be Governor of both states.

The early months of the war proceeded slowly, hampered by Governor Kleberg's commute between the two capitals. But by early 1862, both sides had fully assembled their forces. Neither felt comfortable claiming the name "the First Bligujibujian Irregulars". Instead, the Unionists christened their force the Second Bligujibujian Irregulars. The Confederates, not to be outdone, called their unit the Secondary First Bligujibujian Irregulars. This was widely viewed as a propaganda coup.

The two forces met numerous times on the plains, swamps, and sands of Bligujibuji. In fact, the opposing Irregulars clashed so often that many on both sides became close friends, often standing in for each other in the opposing army during smoke breaks. The climactic battle of the war came in 1864, when the Confederates and Unionists clashed on Mount Toyabi. When both sides realized they were marching towards the the other with a mountain in the center, both refused to sully their honor by taking the easy path around, and continued forward. Several thousand vertical feet later, the two exhausted armies met, leaned on a wall for a few minutes to catch their breaths, and were then killed as the peak gave way under the weight.

Meanwhile, In South-Central Bligujibuji, the FSA reign was in full swing. Since 1862 (Year One of the Celestial Calendar of the Revolution), governance had moved in a decidedly radical direction. Acting on what they claimed were orders from the Federation Congress, the South-Central Bligujibujians banned the consumption of fruit, referred to each other only as "Glorious One", and instated mandatory worship of the Norse gods. When Governor Hans von Koenigswald expressed reticence at these actions, he was imprisoned. The South-Central Bligujibujians then announced to the world that they were in the process of selecting a new governor, one who would bring about the "Fifth Age of World Knowledge". Two weeks later they unveiled their new leader - a cotton gin. The South-Central Bligujibujians declared that under his unyielding iron gaze, all enemies would inevitably fall. Perfect in his mercilessness, the reign of what they called "Lord Mekanikos I, Emperor of the Universe" was inaugerated by feeding former Governor von Koenigswald into the jaws of the apparatus. As a torchlit bacchanalia broke out among the revelers - festooned in the bones of their ancestors - a choir of virgins sang high, eldrich hymns to the oozing mechanical monarch.

Elsewhere, the Union vs. Confederacy war was winding down. Lee surrendered to Grant at Appomattox Courthouse, formally ending the conflict. It could be said, however, that the last battle was fought on Bligujibuji soil. On May 17, 1865, a lone Confederate survivor of the Battle of Mount Toyabi finally managed to burrow his way free of the rock slide. As he emerged, he punched a goat in victory. The goat was a Unionist. Thus ended the War Between The States.

The war between the Union and the Federated States of America, however, was not ended until later. US forces descended upon the South-Central Bligujibujian capital of South Dakota City (which had been renamed "FEBRUUS") to find the inhabitants wearing loincloths and living in squat, mudbrick dwellings filled with sculptures of twisted, nameless gods. They all seemed quite embarrassed and blamed the whole thing on the Federated States of America Congress, but when asked for the location of the Federation capital, the South-Central Bligujibujians shuffled their feet and changed the subject. Nevertheless, the war was considered won, and peace came again to Bligujibuji, a bright spring after a long winter.

Lord Mekanikos I was never apprehended.

The Jay Cutler Show
2009-03-19, 2:47 AM
this topic is so beautiful

Whiplash
2009-03-19, 2:58 AM
I think I've actually got some family up in Mad-Hole.

The Jay Cutler Show
2009-03-19, 3:19 AM
Sicarii 4 mod

Shriketastic
2009-03-19, 5:27 AM
I started to giggle uncontrolably at the Carrier Welshman.











And we need sam to illustrate Storytime with Sicarii

whaler
2009-03-19, 6:58 AM
Sicarii 4 mod

I thought you liked him :ermm:

Lapak
2009-03-19, 9:04 AM
I thought you liked him :ermm:

Sicarii for Official Forum Storyteller And Bligujibujian Ambassador, then, with all associated rights and privileges.

Laconic
2009-03-19, 10:13 AM
Oh Sicarii, you had me at the Foundation and Empire joke.

Lex Senthur
2009-03-19, 10:42 AM
Bligujibuji already bordered Lake Erie, and had for quite some time. However, the Bligujibujians felt their claim needed to be enforced. On March 24th, 1826So could this be considered Bilgujibuji Independence Day? We should celebrate, by renaming something Catholic Protestant(if you're Protestant) or vice versa, and punching a goat.

EDIT: Oh look it's Our Holy Lady John Wycliff Primary School, BOOYAH!

Ash Plissken
2009-03-19, 10:46 AM
Did... did you just make a Sports Night reference? <3
Oreth: do you think that this thread would have gone differently if, before posting, the OP had taken mild doses of physic to work on his bowels?

Phantom
2009-03-19, 11:48 AM
It suddenly occurs to me that we've never seen Sicarii and John Hodgman in the same place. Could it be?

...

I think so. I think we need to introduce them somehow. They'd have a swell time, and probably be great friends.

Laconic
2009-03-19, 11:50 AM
Oreth: do you think that this thread would have gone differently if, before posting, the OP had taken mild doses of physic to work on his bowels?

The census man cometh.

w3nch
2009-03-19, 1:27 PM
I just got done reading. Sicarii, you are incredible. Thanks for the smiles and laughs.