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Amblnc38
2012-05-13, 10:41 AM
This thread is for us to post truths about ourselves, that don't fit the "rant" or "rock" part of life. They are just facts and no back story is required, unless you want to tell us how you figured this out.

Please don't be a dipshit and post "I have a huge dick, I measured it." I will certainly not be amused and that's really not the point here.

The point is for us to state and discuss how we came to know ourselves.

Mine for today is:

I am by my very nature a skeptic, a critic and a detective. If I find a fault in your logic or if your words sound like bullshit, that will start the wheels turning. Once that happens, there is no going back for me. I will crack the story and uncover the truth/reality. So it's best if you just be completely honest with me and don't feed me bullshit. I might have been born on a shitty weathered Friday the 13th, but it wasn't last Friday.Back story: At the bar last night, someone lied to me. Fed me bullshit to make me feel better, saying he did something he didn't. What he doesn't realize is that he's spent all day with me and the other person in our house. He said he deleted those calls because he wants to purge the connection with his family and to see if I trust him. All it took was a login to the cell phone companies website and a question to the roommate to uncover the lie.

This is on top of years of combined family nonsense and other lies I've been told. I honestly wish I could stop the wheels turning, but I can't...the situation will nag at me until I come to a conclusion one way or another. Even if I don't like the outcome. It's a trait that has been as helpful in my life as it has been a hindrance. But I wish I could switch it off and just be "ignorant" about certain things. It has taken me a long time to accept this and I honestly feel like it's time for me to start cutting the people who constantly invoke this trait from my life.

dane
2012-05-13, 10:49 AM
a somewhat recent epiphany of mine;

i hate what religion has done to the world, and i treat all deeply religious people with caution. I would love to exist in a world where religion doesn't exist.

additionally, i'm VERY glad that i live in a time and place where i'm not persecuted for this.

Miles Standoffish
2012-05-13, 10:57 AM
edit: Nah!

Miles Standoffish
2012-05-13, 10:58 AM
edit: Nah!

UngorEatStefan
2012-05-13, 10:58 AM
i AM a huge dick

Tony, I fixed your typo. You can thank me later.

:v::v::v::v::v::v:

Miles Standoffish
2012-05-13, 10:59 AM
Tony, I fixed your typo. You can thank me later.

:v::v::v::v::v::v:

haha

Aries Walker
2012-05-13, 11:08 AM
Serious tag, guys.

The Conqueror Worm
2012-05-13, 11:11 AM
YEAH, guys.

Miles Standoffish
2012-05-13, 11:12 AM
Okay, to be serious, one truth about me is that I have no bed or furniture and dgaf

Odyssey
2012-05-13, 11:16 AM
I post on forumopolis to compensate for my lack of a social life.

dane
2012-05-13, 11:22 AM
YEAH, guys.

ah hah, come on. I saw that serious post before you deleted it ;)

The Conqueror Worm
2012-05-13, 11:23 AM
I admit nothing!

dane
2012-05-13, 11:26 AM
I admit nothing!

got your back, brother. I even deleted my post where i quoted yours, just to cover your tracks.

we got this shit.

The Conqueror Worm
2012-05-13, 11:35 AM
Haha, you had a reply? Damn, now I wish I hadn't deleted it.

It is entirely true, though, what I said in my deleted post; I am terrible at relationships.

Miles Standoffish
2012-05-13, 11:37 AM
and at posting apparently

UngorEatStefan
2012-05-13, 11:45 AM
Serious tag, guys.

I was truthful in correcting Tony's post!

A SERIOUS TAG POST: I am super vain and going bald terrifies me because I am afraid I will no longer look good.

The Conqueror Worm
2012-05-13, 11:48 AM
and at posting apparently
:(

Sully
2012-05-13, 12:27 PM
Okay, to be serious, one truth about me is that I have no bed or furniture and dgaf

My desk is a door that I finished, resting on cinder blocks.

It owns.

Amblnc38
2012-05-13, 1:50 PM
I post on forumopolis to compensate for my lack of a social life.

You are so not alone on this. I honestly trust people. I have never met more than people I deal with off the web.

TiltingWindmills
2012-05-13, 2:03 PM
I didn't realize just how messed up I have been for years until I started coming out of the closet. I have been in serious denial about how much I was lying to myself about not only being gay but all of the leftover crap from growing up I have never really gotten over.

Nitro411
2012-05-13, 2:13 PM
I'm a compulsive liar.

Whether its a friend, family, teachers or coworkers and regardless of the question I have to fight back the urge to lie. I'm not exactly sure why I do this nor when it started exactly but I've become more comfortable avoiding the truth than coming clean. Needless to say this has been a growing issue for me over the years as small lies to close friends have grown and grown, and now I feel like I'm caught in a web. On one hand I feel the need to come clean and admit to everything. After all these are the people who have been there for me through the worst parts of my life and stuck by me regardless. But on the other hand I'm terrified that revealing this could alienate the only people I really care about in my life.

Kjirsten
2012-05-13, 2:20 PM
I'm starting to realize that the instability in my mental well-being is directly related to the instability in my lifestyle. I'm lucky that I get to live abroad and travel and do exciting things, but it's a lonely existence and the fact I can't settle is having a serious effect on my psyche.

I realized this just today especially when I was feeling stressed out about the upcoming move to Russia, and I thought "I just want to go home!"...and I had a sudden feeling that I have no sense of home at all to which that sentiment referred, that I am completely wandering clueless around the globe and have no roots to give me a sense of security. Even my hometown back in Michigan doesn't feel like home, since the family fractured after my mom's death over 6 years ago and I don't have a sense of belonging at all.

At that thought I felt something in my head break and a panic attack hit me full on. I've been feeling pretty dazed ever since. I guess on the bright side, I have a better understanding of why I can't sleep, why I feel sick to my stomach all the time, and why I always feel like sobbing, so maybe I can try and do something about it now that I have a bit more self-awareness.

Sully
2012-05-13, 3:43 PM
Nitro, I've been the same way for a long time, and it's still a struggle. I completely relate to your habits and your fears.

But dude, your friends and family have probably figured it out. Might as well come clean.

Easier said than done, I know.

build me a star
2012-05-13, 3:55 PM
I'm starting to realize that the instability in my mental well-being is directly related to the instability in my lifestyle. I'm lucky that I get to live abroad and travel and do exciting things, but it's a lonely existence and the fact I can't settle is having a serious effect on my psyche.

I realized this just today especially when I was feeling stressed out about the upcoming move to Russia, and I thought "I just want to go home!"...and I had a sudden feeling that I have no sense of home at all to which that sentiment referred, that I am completely wandering clueless around the globe and have no roots to give me a sense of security. Even my hometown back in Michigan doesn't feel like home, since the family fractured after my mom's death over 6 years ago and I don't have a sense of belonging at all.

At that thought I felt something in my head break and a panic attack hit me full on. I've been feeling pretty dazed ever since. I guess on the bright side, I have a better understanding of why I can't sleep, why I feel sick to my stomach all the time, and why I always feel like sobbing, so maybe I can try and do something about it now that I have a bit more self-awareness.

Aw, babe. I hope you find someplace someday that truly becomes home for you, where you are surrounded by friends and people who love you. I'm sure it will happen, and probably faster than you think. :)

edit: I went through a similar thing recently when I realized that my friends are so scattered now, and the chances of us all living in the same city again seem pretty slim. My best friends from college are in New York, Paris, and San Francisco, respectively, and I am in Los Angeles. My sister is in New York. Besides my boyfriend, who I've only really known a year, I just don't have a solid support network here the way I have my whole life. I miss having all my friends living within 20 feet of me. I didn't realize how much I would miss it until it was gone, and I realized that I'll probably never have that back again.

And I put down roots fairly easily. But it's just... not the same.

Cranberry Hangief
2012-05-13, 4:02 PM
I was naive in thinking that just because I move 1,000 miles away and drop everything from my old life that things would magically be better and that I would feel whole.

GBGirl
2012-05-13, 4:05 PM
A big factor in a lot of my current friendships seems to be their reliance on me. My personality apparently crave to 'white knight' for people. It promotes a lot of codependency.

Rampage
2012-05-13, 4:14 PM
I really should take better care of myself.

bata
2012-05-13, 4:48 PM
I have trouble finishing what I start, and often also just getting started. I don't know if it's cause I lose interest or something else.

Padma
2012-05-13, 4:53 PM
I'm starting to realize that the instability in my mental well-being is directly related to the instability in my lifestyle. I'm lucky that I get to live abroad and travel and do exciting things, but it's a lonely existence and the fact I can't settle is having a serious effect on my psyche.

I realized this just today especially when I was feeling stressed out about the upcoming move to Russia, and I thought "I just want to go home!"...and I had a sudden feeling that I have no sense of home at all to which that sentiment referred, that I am completely wandering clueless around the globe and have no roots to give me a sense of security. Even my hometown back in Michigan doesn't feel like home, since the family fractured after my mom's death over 6 years ago and I don't have a sense of belonging at all.
I haven't moved around the world, but I feel the same way since I've been moving back and forth inside Sweden the last year. I enjoy coming to new places, but it also sucks to go back south to visit only to find that it's not at all my home anymore.

It's scary in one way, but also comforting in one way that where ever I (and Molly) am is my home.

I saw an add for an adorable English staff the other day and ever since I can't drop the thought of getting a second dog. I love Molly to death and I know she's fine on her own but a part of me thinks she could need some more social outlets and there aren't any of that in this weird town. Also, having another dog would rock.

Ringo
2012-05-13, 4:58 PM
I have an irrational hatred of people born into money or large families. Especially when they complain about it.

Space Marshal
2012-05-13, 5:12 PM
I haven't had a relationship with my 'family' since 1993, and I have no interest in changing that.

Astra
2012-05-13, 5:53 PM
I haven't had a relationship with my 'family' since 1993, and I have no interest in changing that.

Not quite as long term, but I'm dealing with the same issue. In my case, I'd like to re-initiate contact but not doing so until the problems that cause the estrangement are addressed. Not walking into that again.

Jimmy McForum
2012-05-13, 6:09 PM
I'm a fucking mess.

Rampage
2012-05-13, 6:10 PM
Also, I have not talked to my biological father for 17 years. I've only now realized I'm perfectly okay with this.

Davmeister84
2012-05-13, 6:25 PM
I'm a fucking mess.

This.

Requesting Bear
2012-05-13, 6:39 PM
There's a lot of things I am working on about myself.

I can look back and go "I'm certainly better than where I started" and this is why I am okay with it.

Jay
2012-05-13, 6:48 PM
I'm a fucking mess.


This too.
I also have some weird compulsion to post on the forums that's probably lowered the overall quality here. Apologies.

UngorEatStefan
2012-05-13, 7:00 PM
This too.
I also have some weird compulsion to post on the forums that's probably lowered the overall quality here. Apologies.

Your posting absolutely does not lower the quality of the forums.

build me a star
2012-05-13, 7:01 PM
For the longest time I thought constantly berating myself had made me somewhat invulnerable to other people insulting/talking shit about me. Sadly, seeing a couple conversations off the forums has proven that incorrect.

Actually, the opposite is true. If you think highly of yourself and speak about yourself with confidence, other people thinking otherwise makes less of a dent, because your internal monologue is just like "haters gonna hate, I still like myself and that's what matters."

Honestly Justin, making a serious and conscious attempt to reverse your inner monologue will do wonders.

shonukem
2012-05-13, 7:06 PM
I lack motivation to really do anything with my life. I've spent years being told that despite pouring my heart and soul into something, that it wasnt good enough, that i've failed, and no instruction of how to improve or explanation why I failed.

It's created the mental block that anytime I try to do anything serious, I quickly lose focus and interest as I become paralyzed, and literally physically ill by fear of failing, which ends up having the effect of causing me to fail by not even trying.

Nukesquad
2012-05-13, 7:43 PM
I don't care.

I'm like the walking epitome of apathy. I don't care about life and not motivated by anything. I don't know when this started but a good friend of mine just pointed out to me one day and I'm trying to fix this.. and trying to consciously care about other people and muster up good thoughts about life to generally improve my quality of life. I started traveling, volunteering at charities, hosting dinner parties, and asked to be a god parent but if I'm honest to myself, I'm still just going through the motions.

The good thing is that I'm also generally very seldom upset about anything happening around me or to people around me.

Jobrill
2012-05-13, 7:49 PM
I have no desire to be a husband or a father. I have yet to meet another person who I like enough to risk losing the freedom of being single and unbeholden to another person. I am pretty sure I will die single.

I'm ok with that, but every once in a while I feel like I'm letting down my family, society... maybe even God every once in a while.

Jobrill
2012-05-13, 7:51 PM
I'm often worried that I don't have my own opinions and views as much as I glom on to the views and opinions of whoever is physically/mentally/socially most influential on me at any given time.

Melanchthon
2012-05-13, 8:03 PM
I've coasted for my entire life. I barely make any definite, willful decisions, I simply go along with what seems most desirable/easiest at a given moment. I've never tried to make any plans beyond the next weekend and I don't really need the people I'm close to, it's just convenient and nice to have some closeness in my life.

Honestly, the biggest surprise is how well it's worked out so far. I'm nearly finished with my college education (finally) and I have at least two or three nice career-starting opportunities just waiting for me to fall into them. I have a girlfriend who I feel sure not only loves me but is in love with me, and depending on a few variables we could easily end up married.

My biggest, most secret fear is that someday the sheer aimlessness and apathy of my life will suddenly become too much and crush me.

Bland
2012-05-13, 8:23 PM
I keep myself going by saying to myself that everything is okay because I'm going to work on my resume this weekend and get out of this place and start the life I really want. Every weekend I say to myself I'll do it next weekend instead. This has been going on for years.

Jay
2012-05-13, 8:58 PM
Actually, the opposite is true. If you think highly of yourself and speak about yourself with confidence, other people thinking otherwise makes less of a dent, because your internal monologue is just like "haters gonna hate, I still like myself and that's what matters."

Honestly Justin, making a serious and conscious attempt to reverse your inner monologue will do wonders.

I actually deleted the post you quoted in an attempt to do this. I know a lot of folks on here are sick of hearing me, but I am making a concentrated effort. Ever since CW got on me about the suicide posts, I quit. And apart from my derail in the bisexual thread, it's been a few weeks since I posted anything overtly negative about myself.

So I mean, I'm trying. I'm sorry for screwing up though. Really. Okay, done with that.

Miles Standoffish
2012-05-13, 8:59 PM
I actually deleted the post you quoted in an attempt to do this. I know a lot of folks on here are sick of hearing me, but I am making a concentrated effort. Ever since CW got on me about the suicide posts, I quit. And apart from my derail in the bisexual thread, it's been a few weeks since I posted anything overtly negative about myself.

So I mean, I'm trying. I'm sorry for screwing up though. Really. Okay, done with that.

don't apologize to us man, we're not the ones it hurts!

Cole Porter's Ghost
2012-05-13, 9:01 PM
I contemplate suicide quite a lot, but I'm too much of a coward to actually do it.

Jay
2012-05-13, 9:57 PM
I was truthful in correcting Tony's post!

A SERIOUS TAG POST: I am super vain and going bald terrifies me because I am afraid I will no longer look good.

Stefan, you are good looking enough that if you went completely bald, you'd still look pretty damn good. You're a handsome dude. I think it only wouldn't work for you if you tried to fight it and did a comb-over or something.

I'm a compulsive liar.

Whether its a friend, family, teachers or coworkers and regardless of the question I have to fight back the urge to lie. I'm not exactly sure why I do this nor when it started exactly but I've become more comfortable avoiding the truth than coming clean. Needless to say this has been a growing issue for me over the years as small lies to close friends have grown and grown, and now I feel like I'm caught in a web. On one hand I feel the need to come clean and admit to everything. After all these are the people who have been there for me through the worst parts of my life and stuck by me regardless. But on the other hand I'm terrified that revealing this could alienate the only people I really care about in my life.

Unless you actually lied to them about being their friend, they'll still be okay with you man. (unless it's something really terrible, like you lied about not killing their loved one or something). At the very least, stop lying to them starting now. Don't make up any new shit.

I'm a fucking mess.

You've always been a pretty private guy, so maybe this is true for you, but even if you are a mess, you're still also really inspirational and motivating to me personally, and you're also super supportive and helpful of others. So even if you ARE a mess, you're still a lot better than most of the people I run into.

I contemplate suicide quite a lot, but I'm too much of a coward to actually do it.

Even if you know you could never do it, talk to somebody about it (preferably a professional! Most all of them have sliding scales for payment if you have no insurance or are on a tight budget.). It's no joke, and it's usually just a symptom of a much larger problem. Hang in there mate.

Miles Standoffish
2012-05-13, 10:00 PM
You know who else was self-conscious re: balding? one GAIVS JVLIVS CAESAR, stefan take over gaul

Arctyc
2012-05-13, 10:03 PM
I am incorrigibly rationalist.

This has... complications.

The Dude
2012-05-13, 10:59 PM
Somewhere along the way I embraced what I guess must be nihilism. I hold all human endeavor in utter contempt.

Its cultivated a great enthusiasm for the outdoors. The only things I feel very appreciative are those natural works of beauty we had nothing to do with.

Caleddin
2012-05-13, 11:03 PM
Somewhere along the way I embraced what I guess must be nihilism. I hold all human endeavor in utter contempt.

Its cultivated a great enthusiasm for the outdoors. The only things I feel very appreciative are those natural works of beauty we had nothing to do with.

"I had dropped one form and not taken on the other, and was become like Mohammed's coffin in our legend, with a resultant feeling of intense loneliness in life, and a contempt, not for other men, but for all they do."

Nim
2012-05-13, 11:09 PM
I hate small talk, hate it. Petty little banalities like like chatting about the weather make my skin crawl. So much so that it seriously hampers my ability to meet or interact with new people. I love conversation, but bridging into it is always challenging.

SatanicVegan
2012-05-13, 11:22 PM
i spent 15 years in deep denial of the fact i am trans. it made me a fucked up, angry person. i'm still working on that but at least i'm finally open about who i am.

Krista
2012-05-13, 11:25 PM
Life has kicked me in the teeth quite a bit over the past decade, and I find that I am in a situation that I never expected to be in, and is, in fact, pretty much the embodiment of what I always considered ultimate failure. At my lowest points I longed for death. Even now, it is at times a day-to-day struggle to crawl out of bed and put one foot in front of the other and do what needs to be done to take care of myself and my children. And yet, I have discovered that it's not quite as soul-destroying as it could be - as I thought it would be. I have found freedom in forgiveness. I've found not only a measure of peace and happiness, but I am actually pretty optimistic about the future and life in general.

I'm not where I ever imagined I would be. But life is good.

Psychomancer
2012-05-14, 1:08 AM
I don't do groups.

Growing up, I spent all kinds of effort trying to fit in- clubs, Scouts, church stuff, swimming and wresting in school...basically a bunch of stuff I was mediocre at that you had to excel at in order to be accepted.
I've tried miniatures gaming, MMOs, you name it. But I always end up being happier doing my own thing rather than trying to make friends or stand out in any way.
And every group I've ever tried to be part of has ultimately let me down- I've never gotten what I put into a group out of it.
Ultimately, this makes my life really hard. I have a hard time working with other people, going to school, or even playing a multi-player game.
Lately my wife has been trying to get me to join Bikers Against Child Abuse (http://bacaworld.org/) so I'll have some people to ride with, and yet all I've really done is sit and search the Internet to find out what their scam is.
Essentially, I don't trust anyone that much, and I'm not willing to put in the effort to find out if there's an exception. I don't do groups.

DreamOfTheRood
2012-05-14, 2:55 AM
I am deathly afraid that, at the end of my life, I will have said nothing wise and done nothing of any great importance. Also, testicular torsion.

Darius Sontag
2012-05-14, 3:30 AM
I have real problems connecting to other people. As friends, in relationships, in everything. I don't know why, but I've just never been close with anyone. Sometimes when people post here that I'm a sociopath it really scares the shit out of me, because sometimes I think there's a part of me that's missing.

Jay
2012-05-14, 3:38 AM
I don't think you're a sociopath, fwiw.

Stupid thing: high level math literally terrifies me. I am afraid of it. I never got past Adv. Algebra in high school or college, failed it once in HS (though admittedly, this was because I slept in class every single day, mostly because I was so scared of it and sleep was my escape). I remember the first day of prep school, our teacher gave us these math problems and I was actually shaking.

What a dumb thing to be afraid of.

Powerstreak
2012-05-14, 6:54 AM
For a guy making films I sure don't watch as many as I should.

Killjoy
2012-05-14, 7:35 AM
Upon traveling to Dallas last weekend for my brother's funeral, I see my father for the first time in over a decade. This is a man who I've hated for a very long time. At that first meeting in the funeral home, I feel remarkably unmoved by his presence. I think, "Okay! I no longer give a shit about that old bastard. Cool."

The next day, I see him at my sister's house. My brother-in-law asks me about a science fiction book that I've been writing. While I'm still speaking, my father starts talking over me about UFOs, and a "factual" documentary that he's going to make about them. To be clear, UFOs had nothing to do with my book; he brought them up, interrupting me, out of the blue. He goes on to talk about all of these people he has interviewed, ministers who were called to preside over a plane crash only to find that it was aliens, etc.

As I'm sitting there listening to this, I'm not only irritated over being interrupted, but I'm also irritated at having to listen to complete and utter nonsense. I then interrupt him, and I start poking at the obvious holes in all of these "factual" stories. I start talking louder and louder as I go, turning my response into a rant about the stupidity of these UFO folk tales. I stop when I'm done, and in the silence that follows I realize how loud I had gotten during my rant.

It's clear that my father still dictates my emotional well being, and that makes me very unhappy.

Headless Ballerina
2012-05-14, 8:11 AM
I have real problems connecting to other people. As friends, in relationships, in everything. I don't know why, but I've just never been close with anyone. Sometimes when people post here that I'm a sociopath it really scares the shit out of me, because sometimes I think there's a part of me that's missing.

I get that ... being around other people one-on-one is exhausting, even if they're pleasant people. More often than not I wish they would either sit quietly in the same room or go away. If they're not particularly interesting they're ultimately just distracting. I don't think that's really a worrisome thing so much as an inconvenience, though. I mean, it's one of those "if you're worried you're x, you can stop worrying because you probably aren't x" situations.

Amblnc38
2012-05-14, 8:21 AM
I don't do people anymore at all and people are difficult, groups of them being even worse. It just means you're an introvert, not a sociopath.

Aside from that,

My husband and roommate went fishing for four hours yesterday and I realized that I really don't need men. I got more accomplished in that 4 hours than I have since he got home. Part of this is enabled by the fact I'm chemically sedated by the Zoloft at the moment, but it's the first time in a very long time I felt like myself. It was liberating and depressing all at once.

Packin' Fists
2012-05-14, 8:24 AM
It's clear that my father still dictates my emotional well being, and that makes me very unhappy.

This hits home for me. He hasn't even been a big part of my life in the past 23> years but he can bring out a reaction like yours.

Over the past year or so I feel like it's becoming less so. I wish I could narrow down what is doing it so I could make a suggestion, but I doubt it's any one thing. Maturing and solidifying my own beliefs has helped a lot.

I saw him over this last weekend and it really is interesting how your view of your parents dramatically changes as you get older. His views seem so much more fearful and bigoted than I caught on to before. He straight-up said that immigrants should not speak their own language in public. It insulted him. This might be small potatoes for some people here who have to deal with more than that on a regular basis, but it really brought some things to light in my eyes.

Aiacha
2012-05-14, 8:25 AM
I play down my own abilities all of the time. I know, deep down, that my success at work is mostly due to my work ethic, my ability to pick up new tasks and my willingless (almost demand) to learn outside of my own job description. However when people ask me, I almost always insist it was a case of "right place, right time" and a manager willing to give me a chance. That I am where I am mostly because of luck. Part of this stems from being around people who have no problems blowing their own horn. I see it around me so much that I find it very ugly on people, that some people have no humility.

I do this with crafts, too. I can sew, and sew decently, but I don't really like taking credit for my stuff. I'm actually handing over a project to a friend of mine because I've built it up in my head so much that I don't even think I can do it anymore. I'm trying to change this (starting with taking a barter project from a glassblower) but having friends who are better at sewing than me is a confidence hurdle I need to get over.

Cranberry Hangief
2012-05-14, 8:27 AM
When my dad passed away I could acknowledge that he was gone. I knew at the time that we all live beneath the hand of mortality. That knowledge is beginning to come full circle in my life.

It's an entirely different feeling to understand it; versus to know it.

I don't know if that makes any sense to anyone else but it works in my own head.

edit:

it really is interesting how your view of your parents dramatically changes as you get older.

This struck a chord with me as well. My dad was emotionally distant also and man, he said some ignorant, racist things. He was always trying to run away or escape himself because he didn't know how to be happy. That seemed to manifest itself as negativity in all of his relationships. I try not to let it get to me but it's an on-going process. I'm trying to claim my life for myself and not his validation.

edit2: or the validation of anyone else for that matter except my own. There are a lot of acting forces though.

Ursaring
2012-05-14, 4:37 PM
All my friends have followed a certain pattern. I charm them for the first 1/2 hour or so, annoy them for about 5 months, and then they start to enjoy my company again. I have absolutely no idea how to skip that middle period at all

Ash Plissken
2012-05-14, 5:01 PM
I feel like over the past couple of years I have stopped really giving a shit about anything, or seeing anything as fun.

Part of it is probably that I feel like I can't afford to do anything fun, because it's a struggle just to keep all the bills paid and food on the table without draining our savings. I hate the fact that, despite me having a white-collar job for almost 13 years now, we would still be financially fucked if not for the generosity of my parents and my in-laws.

Eloisa
2012-05-14, 5:29 PM
I am an attention seeker, especially from men, and I can be self destructive with it. I AM self destructive with it.

I'm in Florida to have a mini vacation for four days before I start a new job, and all I can think about is the dates I have set up over the next few days (a different one for every night I'm here). My hubby is nicer, happier and more loving and giving than he has ever been. Doesn't matter though, the minute I knew I was leaving the state, I started hunting. The attention is addictive. I tell myself I can't help it, but I can. I don't want to.

Erpin
2012-05-14, 7:16 PM
I'm terrified of being alone.

I'm also a worrier, and it makes me feel significantly older than I am.

Amblnc38
2012-05-14, 11:13 PM
I am an attention seeker, especially from men, and I can be self destructive with it. I AM self destructive with it. I'm the same way. But a large part of it is I just prefer the company of guys and I feel wierd if I'm not 'one of the guys'. When my husband was gone I could talk to anyone I wanted to, flirt and have fun without having to worry about upsetting him. Now he's back and I feel like I can't talk to any of my guys friends that are heterosexual without him getting stupid and jealous. It's killed me wanting to go to the bar at all. If I can't go, flirt and have fun...wtf is the point? I can line dance in my living room, in nothing but a bra and underwear.

I also learned over that time that I am far more codependent than I every really wanted to acknowledge. I've sort of come to grips with this fact and even told my Grandmother, when she insinuated this marriage wouldn't last. That I would just try again. Because I need the company of a male. I don't feel "whole" without that. I want a family, even if that just consists of me, my partner and the half-dozen furbabies.

I'm terrified of being alone.

I'm also a worrier, and it makes me feel significantly older than I am.Yup, when people ask how old I am these days, I ask if they mean the date on my driver's license or the date on my soul. Some days I feel like I'm pushing 50.

I'm also barely okay with myself, I am getting better about it and accepting who I am but it's a long road. That 10 1/2 months taught me a lot about myself.

Aries Walker
2012-05-14, 11:42 PM
It seemed like a good idea at the time, but I've come to realize that it was a massive vocational error to enter the printing industry at all back in the day. It's a terrible gig for more reasons than I need to type here, especially if - like me - you have neither a background in, an affinity for, nor even a tiny bit of talent with art.

Palah El Din
2012-05-15, 12:28 AM
People don't understand how I can be happy without a girlfriend. They treat me like it's only a matter of time until I'm miserable, or like I'm missing out on this essential life experience, and enough of them have said it that I'm starting to doubt myself, which is ironically the only damper on my happiness right now.

Eloisa
2012-05-15, 1:00 AM
I'm the same way. But a large part of it is I just prefer the company of guys and I feel wierd if I'm not 'one of the guys'. When my husband was gone I could talk to anyone I wanted to, flirt and have fun without having to worry about upsetting him. Now he's back and I feel like I can't talk to any of my guys friends that are heterosexual without him getting stupid and jealous. It's killed me wanting to go to the bar at all. If I can't go, flirt and have fun...wtf is the point? I can line dance in my living room, in nothing but a bra and underwear.

I also learned over that time that I am far more codependent than I every really wanted to acknowledge. I've sort of come to grips with this fact and even told my Grandmother, when she insinuated this marriage wouldn't last. That I would just try again. Because I need the company of a male. I don't feel "whole" without that. I want a family, even if that just consists of me, my partner and the half-dozen furbabies.

I also strongly prefer the company of men, might be because I had lots of brothers or was raised by a dad, but either way. Women make me itchy, theyre too damn needy all the time, and offended by the littlest stupid shit. Men are much easier. They only want one thing, and I already know what it is. No guesswork.

Im lucky that my husband understands my itchy feet (need to try new partners), and understands it doesn't change anything emotionally (for me), but it doesn't take it back. Im starting to feel like the time and energy I dedicate to secretly cheating and outwardly swinging, is taking up too much, and taking away from something I should find in marriage. What, I don't know.

I feel like your needs are based in relationshippy feelings of being needed and stuff. I think I'm more on the 'I want to do something bad, just to do something bad' train. The fur babies will always be there, my cat suffered many a broken heart with me before we got to where we are now.

oreth
2012-05-15, 1:14 AM
this is zodiac speaking

oreth
2012-05-15, 1:22 AM
You want a serious post?

Ok. Here's a serious post.

I have busted my -ass- off for the past 7 months trying to get an internet business going that flopped on it's face. Yeah, the loss of time and money sucks, but what really sucks is the fact my partner quit his job to work on it. He had enough money for about a year of no-work to make it happen. And we ate half of that up.

And the failure is -crushing- us both. We dropped at least $4000 each on it and all we learned was that we are really bad at staying inside our indentified niche for long-term projects.

So what did we do? We decided to jump to iphone apps. We're both developers but aren't exactly iphone versed. I read Chad Mureta's "App Empire" So we're paying a huge price in learning as we go. I just dropped $550 on a shitty developer for a shitty app that I'm having to basically build from scratch. It's disheartening.

BUT: Today, our Diablo 3 ( http://diablo3app.com ) app peaked at #35 in reference and had leveled off the day at about #38. I expect to check stats tomorrow and find that we made about $200 today. But that's just not enough to justify leaving my job. I hate working for other people. My partner and I have great ideas that we are working on, but there just aren't enough hours in the day. As such, my other hobbies are going by the way side. I haven't touched my camera or my ukulele in weeks.

It's kinda maddening but exciting at the same time.

Sonny
2012-05-15, 1:26 AM
Despite the fact that I have a good job in (what was) my dream industry as a kid, have my own place, am very responsible, hit my 30's, and essentially act and do what an adult is supposed to do... I still don't feel like an adult.

Hell, I'm not sure what being an adult is supposed to feel like, but, I know I don't feel like one. It's not like a major issue, but it's something that bothers me when the thought crosses my mind from time to time.

oreth
2012-05-15, 1:32 AM
Despite the fact that I have a good job in (what was) my dream industry as a kid, have my own place, am very responsible, hit my 30's, and essentially act and do what an adult is supposed to do... I still don't feel like an adult.

Hell, I'm not sure what being an adult is supposed to feel like, but, I know I don't feel like one. It's not like a major issue, but it's something that bothers me when the thought crosses my mind from time to time.

That's what being an adult is. It's doing all the things you're supposed to do, even if you don't feel like doing them.

Congrats, you're an adult. Work hard. Be responsible, and anytime you have left over, be ridiculous.

Atheist Panda
2012-05-15, 1:37 AM
i spent 15 years in deep denial of the fact i am trans. it made me a fucked up, angry person. i'm still working on that but at least i'm finally open about who i am.

I didn't even realize when you posted the picture of your newer glasses awhile ago. So I read a deal of that blog you have linked - and kudos!

You make me want to be a little braver about some of my own stuff. So thank you.

*edit*
In fact, I just amended part of my profile on that-damn-cupid to address it a little bit.

Sonny
2012-05-15, 1:43 AM
That's what being an adult is. It's doing all the things you're supposed to do, even if you don't feel like doing them.

Congrats, you're an adult. Work hard. Be responsible, and anytime you have left over, be ridiculous.

Thanks, Oreth. It really does make me feel better to hear that. :)

Also, I'm working on the being ridiculous part right now. C'mon 12 am!

Jay
2012-05-15, 1:53 AM
You want a serious post?

Ok. Here's a serious post.

I have busted my -ass- off for the past 7 months trying to get an internet business going that flopped on it's face. Yeah, the loss of time and money sucks, but what really sucks is the fact my partner quit his job to work on it. He had enough money for about a year of no-work to make it happen. And we ate half of that up.

And the failure is -crushing- us both. We dropped at least $4000 each on it and all we learned was that we are really bad at staying inside our indentified niche for long-term projects.

So what did we do? We decided to jump to iphone apps. We're both developers but aren't exactly iphone versed. I read Chad Mureta's "App Empire" So we're paying a huge price in learning as we go. I just dropped $550 on a shitty developer for a shitty app that I'm having to basically build from scratch. It's disheartening.

BUT: Today, our Diablo 3 ( http://diablo3app.com ) app peaked at #35 in reference and had leveled off the day at about #38. I expect to check stats tomorrow and find that we made about $200 today. But that's just not enough to justify leaving my job. I hate working for other people. My partner and I have great ideas that we are working on, but there just aren't enough hours in the day. As such, my other hobbies are going by the way side. I haven't touched my camera or my ukulele in weeks.

It's kinda maddening but exciting at the same time.

I'm about to invest about $1600-1700 on cover artists and editors for my books, so I'm kind of concerned the same thing will happen to me. BUT I'm super glad to hear that your D3 app is taking off and I wish you the best with it dude.

I was legit bummed when your "I made $10k last month on an app" post turned out to be not true. I'm always happy to see FOers succeed.

Despite the fact that I have a good job in (what was) my dream industry as a kid, have my own place, am very responsible, hit my 30's, and essentially act and do what an adult is supposed to do... I still don't feel like an adult.

Hell, I'm not sure what being an adult is supposed to feel like, but, I know I don't feel like one. It's not like a major issue, but it's something that bothers me when the thought crosses my mind from time to time.

I feel like this too, but it's a bit more constant and mostly centered around my lack of deep relationships. Like I'm a fucking Lost Boy or something. Sucks.

oreth
2012-05-15, 1:59 AM
Thanks, Oreth. It really does make me feel better to hear that. :)

Also, I'm working on the being ridiculous part right now. C'mon 12 am!

it's 1:59am here.